Tonpa and his Pet Spider, Pike
by randylahey5446
Summary: Tonpa loves his pet spider, Pike, and his pet loves him back. But, unfortunately, Pike has a tendency to misbehave a little.


**A/N: I posted this bullshit on AO3 a while back, I'll upload more when I have the chance.**

 **Next to Beans/Netero, this is obviously the greatest HxH pairing. HA, you're into Killua/self-insert OC, guess what...**

 **HE DON'T WANT YO' BITCH ASS!**

 **Killua/Gon, more like a hell no! The only pairing for Killua is...I mean, you** ** _could_** **bend things here and there and I could kind of imagine it, BUT IT AIN'T BEANS/NETERO LEVEL LOVE AND YOU KNOW IT!**

 **But if we could get Mito/Kite, Spinner clow/Kite, fuck, even Spinner Clow/Mito if you want to get fancy, but that's all I could think of before I go on and start a full out flame war.**

 **Feel free to PM me if you want to flame!**

Tonpa was taking his pet spider, Pike, out for a walk during this wonderful, sunny afternoon.

Pike loved his daily walks, but he has a knack for misbehaving.

"Goddamn Pike! How many times do I have to tell you?! Shit on the grass, not on my shoes!"

"I can't help it my darling! My anus gets soo twitchy whenever I'm around my sweet, Tonpa,"

"...you're fucking disgusting," Tonpa snarled, using the bag to wipe the shit off of his shoes. "Sometimes, I wish we just left you for dead in NGL,"

"How can you say such a thing? Especially to your lover-,"

" _Shhhhh! This type of relationship is frowned upon in society, if anyone finds out, each of us will be getting the chair by the association. Understand?"_

"Jesus Christ, babe, _I knoooowwww, goooodddduhhh,"_ Pike rolled his eyes, using his sass to dominate the conversation. "Sometimes I wish you were like one of the boys I come across. They got that good _boy pussy, if you know what I'm saying,"_

"You know what? If you like little boys so much, you would of left me a long time ago. I pay for your food, shelter, play toys, tennis balls, I put peanut butter over your pills so you can swallow the damn medication, pick up your shit during walks, pretty much _always_ do most of the work during sex, and you don't even appreciate what I do for you. You're a pain in the ass, you know that?"

"Figuratively _and_ literally, you know that babe,"

"...not this discussion again,"

"My dick is bigger than yours, but ever since that one night when my dick caused all that tearing, you _still_ wont let me do anal. You fucking cunt,"

"Alright, keep it down, you don't any neighbors picking up on this shit, do you?"

"... _fiiiiinnneuhhh,"_ Pike sassed, as he kept his mouth shut for a while.

* * *

15 minutes went by, and the two crossed paths with a familiar face.

"Ayo, is that you Tonpa?!"

"... _fuck! Not this asshole,"_ he sighed under his breath, as Killua came up to him.

"Holy crap, it's you! What's the matter, did you fail the Hunter Exams again,"

"Haha, yeah, maybe next year," Tonpa replied, wanting to fucking strangle this kid to death.

"Oh, this is my sister, Alluka. Come on don't be shy,"

"Hiii!" Alluka squeaked adorably.

Pike then put on his best rape face, because there was nothing else he loved more than such, unripened fruit.

He then lunged air-borne towards them with the intent of doing no-no things to them. Before Killua can decapitate all of his limbs, Tonpa then sprays him in the eyes with a bottle of Windex cleaner to stop him in his tracks.

"What the fuck was that?! What the _fuck_ was that and what the actual _fuck_ did he just try to do to us?!"

"Sorry, it's just that I haven't neutered the fellow yet, but-,"

"He could have hurt someone! Do you have any fucking idea what I would have done to that, _thing,_ if it weren't for that bottle of Windex? Besides, my sister is a _very_ young girl, so can you fucking imagine what that abomination of a creature could have done to her if there were no one to stop it?!"

"I'm sorry man, I-,"

"Fucked up, that's what you were going to say, right? Because you fucked up big time asshole! You owe me an apology," Killua demanded, as Pike was making autistic screeches in the background from the pain.

"I don't owe you shit," Tonpa fired back, getting a vicious kick in the balls from Killua as Alluka spat on his face.

"You know what, I'll let you live _and_ keep all your body parts for now. I'll even let you keep that _thing_ of yours a pet for the time being. But the next time I see something like this happen, I'm reporting this to the association," Killua threatened, holding out his license.

Thus concludes another walk for Tonpa and his pet spider, Pike.


End file.
